Episode Archive
Episode 45: Peaceful Feeling
Mickey experiences the death of another close friend, though there’s a different emotional dynamic to the loss that raises new questions and presents a surprising sensation of peace.
Episode 44: Give it Away
Mickey is streamlining possessions, and passing on meaningful items to loved ones in person while he can. What one keeps, shares, and lets go of is explored, along with an idea that some things we’ve cherished can carry a part of us within them. Life lessons on the impermanence of the material world, and the lightness that comes from releasing–not relinquishing–what we’ve collected.
Episode 43: Joyful Being
Mickey goes all in for what may be his last Halloween, keeping the party going with medicinal assistance and an evolving intention to become a being of joy.
Episode 42: Time of Your Life
A one-two punch of hypothermia and the loss of a friend finds Mickey in a bout with pneumonia. True to form, he pushes on in support of the community and the causes he champions. An opportunity to broadcast his love of music with the help of talented friends underscores how Mickey’s making the most out of his compressed calendar, and this interesting stage of life.
Episode 41: A Better Man
Mickey mourns the sudden and mysterious passing of his friend, a former fellow beach lifeguard and courageous Air Force Pararescueman who embodied the motto "that others might live." An intimate look at what it means to grieve while facing one's own mortality.
Episode 40: Team Talk
The podcast team shares the personal paths that brought them together and the emotions they navigate in this unique experience. With uncharted production territory ahead—from how much is too much to ask of Mickey, to how many more episodes remain—the only certainties are the strength of their bond and that “nothing is normal” in this adventure.
Episode 39: Keeping Good Company
Positivity and strength go hand in hand as Mickey and Donna discuss balancing self care with the discipline to push on, and how surprising joys and janitors can help to fuel the spirit.
Episode 38: Knights of Pueo
Legacy projects near and dear to Mickey move forward, as a team of Hawaiian superheroes and a new order of friends takes flight.
Episode 37: Folklore
Growing media attention, new bling, and a memorable photo shoot means more eyes on Mickey, all while he works to skirt over exposure on the dance floor. Distinctions between optimism and hope are explored while putting the “Hip in Hypocrite.”
Episode 36: Stage 4: “Upside”
Mickey reveals a surprising sex drive despite the physical challenges of prostate cancer. While his healthy libido belies a journey towards death, it also signals to Mickey that his soul is moving forward. Sensuality and spirituality become intertwined in the conversation, heading towards a happy ending where Sex is Life.
Episode 35: Not Everyone's Journey... Yet
The words of a well-meaning friend strikes a nerve with Mickey, while a stranger finds connection through the podcast. Cancer has Mickey engaging with his past in a new way as a lifetime of education comes into play. An evening out illuminates the simple joys that help push the pain away.
Episode 34: Post-COVID Kindness
Gym time is rough for Mickey. Yet while he weakens each day physically, he is getting stronger spiritually. The team reflects on their personal experiences during the pandemic, and the sense of community having emerged from it. Hurting everyone you love by leaving is a painful reality, but there is also beauty to be found.
Episode 33: Rambunctious Spirit
A trip to Kauaʻi and the affection of friends re-energizes Mickey after his worst night yet. While the balance between life here and the beyond continues to shift for Mickey as the connection with Donna deepens through the podcast experience, Mickey's rambunctious spirit may be causing unintended interference. Quantum physics and a nun with mana become part of the equation.
Episode 32: Persona
Mickey rides emotional ups and downs as he becomes a celebrity of sorts through his cancer and a conduit for people in pain. Yet helping strangers, and suffering along with them, also has its rewards. Donna opens a Book of Questions.
Episode 31: Tailored Messages
Though connections to the spiritual world have become more intense for Mickey as his cancer progresses, the experiences that validate that world for him may not be obvious to others. Next stops: mood changes with a new medication, adventures in pet sitting, and a train ride with a wise, wild woman.
Episode 30: Transitions
With more and more of Mickey's conversations and creative outlets dealing with issues of dying, Mickey hopes he isn't becoming a downer to the people around him. Yet as he finds himself increasingly moving between two worlds—the here, and the hereafter—it also seems some spirits like to live it up as much as he does.
Episode 29: Catch the Wave You Get
Fatigue hurts the body and mind. Yet Mickey's training as a lifeguard and Marine make quitting a tough topic. The notion of rating pain and knowing when that last line has been crossed are explored.
Episode 28: Sins of Omission
An increased need for the catheter and a case of the Mondays are nothing compared with what's left unsaid. Mickey reflects on a missed moment at a clinic, and how having cancer doesn't always make talking to others with cancer any easier.
Episode 27: Not a Badass, Just Blessed
Skipping the treatments that would extend his life, sometimes Mickey (almost) forgets he has cancer. Then a new symptom and increasing fatigue signals its presence. In the time he has left, Mickey is working on improving his faults. The fear of not doing enough for the people he loves is still scary, but dying doesn't have to be.
Episode 26: Crying for Vision
Mickey's dreams have been taking on interesting new forms, while being there for his friends in this world and from the other side remains a priority. Thoughts on heaven, hungry ghosts, and how tears sometimes bring clear sight.
Episode 25: Accessorizing Cancer
Skinny calves and all, Mickey readies for a photo shoot while meeting emerging health problems with humor. Reflecting on the body beautiful, Mickey draws inspiration from a tattooed cancer survivor, a little turquoise glitter, and an unforgettable smile in Kenya.
Episode 24: Never Surrender
Life experiences have made Mickey unafraid of dying, but he’s keenly empathetic to those without such experiences now facing their own death or the loss of a loved one. The difference between surrender and acceptance is debated, and Mickey reflects on how self-honesty becomes even more important at the end.
Episode 23: Pain is Part of Life
Mickey’s body is becoming a playground for different places to hurt, and he’s found that cancer pain has its own distinct stamp. Yet the love of friends and knowing one is not alone keeps Mickey tethered to this world.
Episode 22: Adult Swimming
Spirituality, sexuality, and the sin of unsolicited medical advice.
Episode 21: Shenanigans
The podcast gets in vogue, looking at dances developed from within the queer community with insights from Mickey’s academic research.
Episode 20: Cakewalk
Mickey offers his impression of the initial podcast recordings, and the uncharted territory the team is navigating. From the first moon landing to Soul Train, a conversation about major societal shifts and the transformative power of the dance floor.
Episode 19: Routine is My Friend
Mickey finds habits to be helpful for fighting fatigue from the targeted radiation. Comfort also comes from revisiting a spiritual book. As long as the universe keeps on throwing a little fun in his direction, Mickey is not in a hurry to leave. Still, with his ship heading in, he’s packed and emotionally ready to “hele on.”
Episode 18: Nothing Comes Without Cost
Mickey goes through his health conscious daily diet, while confessing to an unusual approach to a chocolate brownie addiction. With his thought processes, attention span, and patience levels changing as the cancer progresses, Mickey must refocus his creative energies. Conversations with his doctors and with friends battling cancer themselves have convinced him that no care path comes without a price.
Episode 17: Between a Rock and a Friendly Place
The latest Disco Report is in, and Mickey introduces the podcast team to a 9-pound coral that is becoming both a dance and burial partner. Hawaii's Medical Aid in Dying act and Mickey's own death doula bring a sense of comfort, while a deployed friend and the universe conspire for him to live a little longer.
Episode 16: Three Sisters
An appreciation for philosophy and the life experiences that have assured Mickey it's going to be okay are providing him preparation for death. As he looks forward to meeting with the ancestors (the friendliest first), Mickey and Donna exchange memories of loved ones.
Episode 15: Deal with the Universe
Mickey shares the benefits of “Katnaps” and how a school counselor in his youth helped to change the course of his life. As he approaches the end of his journey here, Mickey is striving to do things right by his spiritual ancestors.
Episode 14: Radiation Blues and Benefits
Mickey shares his experience with targeted radiation, and how he overcame an initial resistance to trying the therapy. Caring technicians soften the side effects of his contact with the machine overlords, with Mickey’s focus not necessarily on extending his life, as much as enhancing its quality.
Episode 13: Dancing in the Rain
Mickey dances through the weekend with the help of a staff, and the knowledge that dancing isn’t always going to be possible. Movement on the comic book front, an exploration of religions, and a change of faith.
Episode 12: Don’t Be Afraid to Yell
Mickey shares the visit with his urologist when it was first suspected that something may be wrong, and the uncomfortable choices placed on the table. Treatment options, changes in cognition, and lucid dreams of loved ones passed complement the coffee talk.
Episode 11: Playlist for Life
“There’s little pain in dancing” and in walking through music memories. As Mickey readies for a night out, he shares selections from his ultimate playlist, favorite travel destinations, and more on his military background. The mind-body connection created throughout these experiences contribute to a sense of tribe and belonging.
Episode 10: On the Record
Mickey feels compelled to share his medical records with the podcast team following an encounter with a possible diagnosis-doubter at the gym. A conversation on the need to live up to what the people he loves see in him, and a look at Mickey’s favored saints (with a fitting nod to the beloved Mother of Outcasts).
Episode 9: Beautiful Lauhala Box
Body of a Greek god, stamina of a great-grandmother. Mickey shares how his workouts have had to evolve, and how he envisions his farewell—complete with rose water and support from his brothers in weightlifting.
Episode 8: Grill, Baby, Grill
The distinction between feeling tired and being weary is profoundly felt with the changes cancer brings. A cremation fundraising party gets creative with names, while walking along a lava flow leaves a burning impression in Mickey's memory.
Episode 7: Pyramid Climbing
When Irish Catholic Mickey climbs atop a pyramid beneath the crescent moon at Ramadan, he finds a transformative connection with the Muslim faith—and that “the path of God is beautiful.” Both belief and atheism are present, and welcome, near the end of this journey.
Episode 6: Circuit Party for Humankind
Mickey’s experiences in the circuit party scene inform a look at masculinity—minus the violence—that exists within the gay community and may inform issues facing humanity: bullying, misogyny, and more.
Episode 5: From Selgae to Lost at Sea
Stage IV cancer aside, it's been a life with luck and second chances. Young Mickey sets his sights on an interview with a legend for the high school paper; flash forward, he's making different headlines adrift on rough seas with sharks. Ginger Rogers, Stevie Nicks, and a masked cowboy all come into play and put death in perspective.
Episode 4: Rundown on the Runway
Mickey takes to the catwalk in a fashion show and confronts what his new symptoms are telling him—that everything the doctors said would happen to him are coming true. A look at forgiveness, guilt, and another elephant in the room.
Episode 3: Superheroes
From developing a comic book hero facing cancer to learning how to use a catheter, Mickey candidly shares what guys living with prostate cancer often go through, while noting how everyone’s journey through it is, and should be, different.
Episode 2: The Blue Bag
“Suck it up, buttercup.” Balancing waning energy levels with wanting to visit loved ones, Mickey often feels the need to muster a sheer force of will. Coming to terms with being labeled disabled, self-forgiveness, and the comfort found in a Blue Bag are explored.
Episode 1: Where the Yellow Lilies Bloom
Meet Mickey as he embarks on sharing his story with the help of a podcast “doula.” The trials of a recent bout of targeted radiation remain, but his profound sense of gratitude leaves an even stronger impression. Mickey reveals how his diagnosis unfolded, and the remarkable way he visualizes cancer.